Mini-Hockey Personalities

Mini hockey (a.k.a. knee hockey) is an adolescent tradition played in hotel hallways and pasta-party basements across North America. This article is dedicated to the types of players you'll likely meet on the rug.

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The Natural

This bro is innately talented at hockey and it obviously translates on the rug. He moves as if he's on his knees all the time (which he is not) and has an absolute snip that is always quick enough to beat the goalie but would never have the speed to actually damage the furniture in the room. He's also the only guy out there that considers passing instead of just whipping it on net from downtown.

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The Basketball Player

A guy that just posts up in front of the net and eclipses the tendy. Sure, he may block more shots than the goalie saves be he's great at burying those second chances and is usually on his back when the ball eventually goes in. A great guy to have on the team.

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The Hardo

‍Unfortunately, there is at least one hardo in every mini-hockey game (in high school they are called "freshmen"). They get off their knees to chase balls, when we all know KNEE hockey is meant to be played on your knees, and usually break that one piece of furniture that was "off-limits." They are also the ones sweating when Break is called and demand for that weird snack that no-one has in their house. Wearing their team jersey is the icing on the cake.

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The Goal-Player

‍This kid says he's playing tendy but he rarely has his glove on and frequently vacates the net to set up for a one-timer. No one likes this guy but usually the game is at his house so no one wants to call him out.

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The Newbie

You always think you don't need to teach rookies how to play mini-hockey...until you meet this poor boy. He keeps two hands on the stick all the time, forgets to wear long pants and always finds a way to get blood on the carpet. He ends up being replaced by the "goal-player’s" younger brother and spends the rest of the night searching for lost balls in the unfinished part of the basement.

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And that's the list!

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